For male heads of household - why to control oneself and not others (clarifying toxic masculinity)

We are now having a man to man talk in this page. Most people misunderstand my masculinizing of masculinity. Most ordinary conservative men who aren't children's rights oriented outside of the sexual abuse issue don't know what toxic masculinity is, or else they might think some men are toxic, at least to some degree.

Toxic masculinity is basically a man using his masculinity to control another person. It was never supposed to be about feminizing men and boys. Most men today are in favor of domestic tyranny and control in one avenue, towards the child, and women listen too, usually blindly. Toxic feminists have hijacked the issue to make men "more approachable", whereas the ideal biblical man is already approachable to women and children alike.

Gender roles in the Bible do exist, but are looser and less defining than American customs of masculinity, which govern interests. It says in Colossians 3:19 KJV:

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter with them.

Let's focus on the husband first. The Greek root word "love" is αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to surrender to God through your wife, serving her every vulnerable need. It is the exact same love that is implied towards children later on, in vs. 21. This results in wifely submission, denoted by the Greek root word υποτασσο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to a place of reverence for one's husband, looking aside to him in an excitable, promoting way, leading to surrender in return to his lawful and binding orders, with her submitting to her husband on her own accord, not out of coercion or fear of punishment from male heads of household, or else divorcing her husband (1 Cor. 7:10-11). Marriage then was a contract, and the wife had the right to rip it up whenever she wanted, and possibly take the children with. 

Pro-social chivalry was a male attitude in the Early Church. Men in the Early Church were to take mercy on a woman, just as Christ took mercy on a prostitute. Prostitutes, during the time of Christ, were the lowest rung of society, much like pedophiles are today. She was seen by members of Jesus' ancient Jewish society as the lowest of the low. Jesus treated her as if she was desperate and down on her luck. Most men in the Early Church that were worthy, meaning the bulk of them, would have tried their best to humanize even a woman like that. It meant sexual restraint, not sexual indulgence. In the Old Testament, a man could claim as many wives as he wanted, but Christ set the law down for men - only one wife, and Paul clarified that you are to love her, meaning in your actions, in how you provide for her and nurture her in your loving arms. Nurturing children is the same kind of love, expressed differently - gentle, loving encouragement from fathers.

Basically, manhood in the Early Church was about controlling oneself in relation to one's family, in a resilient way, meaning the demands of your wife and children do not get under your skin. You are instead enslaved to their needs, expecting absolutely nothing from their family.

Self-control is the only definite control in life.