Composure in parenting: Why parents should not lose their composure when around children

Many parents blame their children for things parents do wrong. Losing composure is one of them. Keeping a certain composure as a parent is mandatory under biblical law. The common teaching in the church is one of "children need to learn that there are consequences for parents losing their composure". This is false. A parent should not model that kind of behavior.

It says in Matthew 5:21-22 KJV:

Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of judgment: But I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause is in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council; but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

The phrase "whosoever is angry" here refers to expressed anger at a child. "Without a cause" refers to the fact that getting angry without a moral legal cause, meaning outside of court, is sin. Children could not stand trial under the Law. It says in John 7:24 KJV:

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

The Greek root word translated "judge" and "judgment" is κρινο (Latin: krinó) and sums up and uplifts the law in terms of righteous judgment, meaning the moral legal judgment of your neighbor, in which case children were exempt from judgment until being instructed in the Law. The defense of infancy existed then, with children not of the age of majority not being culpable for their actions, with sin guilt instead falling on the parents every single time, as children were seen as learning the Law.

The goal in parenting in a biblical fashion is keeping your composure, even when children appear to be getting under your skin. It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers "listening under", meaning to providing custody for children, meaning rest in the providence of parents, with parents supplying the every demand of children, with children feeling safe to be themselves in relation to parents, telling parents anything, venting their evert frustration and upset onto them, owing absolutely nothing to parents in return, yet nonetheless showing gratitude for their bond with their parents by listening to their reassuring, familiar voice, meaning children should be given space to imprint on the voice of father and mother, meaning perk up then gentle tug. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to the chastening of the Lord, meaning self-discipline and self-control in relation to the upset of a child, being chastened up by the willful act of responding with empathy to a child's upset and tantrum, instead of reacting to the behavior in a punitive way, choosing to turn the other cheek and not get angry at one's neighbor. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to setting limits and boundaries, namely the word "no" and its various variants, weighed by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" which is παροργίζο (Latin: parogizo) and refers to the moral crime of provoking one's neighbor/child to anger through fits of anger of oneself. Fits of anger of any kind were unacceptable outside of court.

Anger has a certain, specific meaning in the biblical context - courtroom cross-examination, namely in a moral legal exchange with one's neighbor. Anger was permissible in an officiated courtroom battle, but anywhere else in Jewish or Christian life. In parenting, it was to be avoided at all costs, meaning the slightest of expressed anger, as it could offend the child. Most of the time, men kept their composure about upsets, and centered their anger in a way that it came out at just the right degree that it wouldn't be too much, meaning anger was compartmentalized until the last day, when there was enough evidence to rebuke an evildoer, and not a moment before then. Anger could be channeled into questioning, but not much else.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for the evil one and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!