Monday, August 23, 2021

Antisocial "assume"/"advice" in parenting - Why advice should be given sparingly (and only when asked)

Conservative parents are stereotyped as having a lot of advice to offer. I am not like that with children, meaning I have none, as advice itself can be abuse. Consent is a concept of Christian non-entitlement, and children are autonomous beings, and consent to everything from me, with me deserving none from them about anything. Antisocial "advice" is part of the attitude of antisocial "assume".

Many parents assume children need certain advice. However, it says in Colossians 3:21 KJV:
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to the offenses under the Eighth Commandment, meaning here the slightest of offense perceived by a child, to the level of din, and this can include repeated, incessant "advice". The Greek root word denoting "advice" entitlement is πλεονεκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers to wanting to give children "life advice", assuming perhaps false ignorance, to the point of seeking to impose said want, meaning imposing advice onto a child. Imposing any advice to a child to the point of offense is sin and abuse.

Some children like advice more than others, but if they have no way out of it, and they feel constrained by it, it is a moral issue. As an attachment parent, and a Christian conservative, I wouldn't give any advice, by default, unless the child asked. The only difference would be to warn them of danger, such as from cold weather, where you say "don't leave the house without a jacket", and if they do, I just grab it and keep it on me, for when they complain that they are cold. Then, they know to wear a jacket the next time.

About things such as school and disputes with friends? I must assume that I don't know the full story, and forget what it is like to be a child, being the ignorant, entitled adult that I am. They must come to ne for advice, in which case I am inclined to ask questions before we come to an answer together. 

I myself am righteously insecure about giving children advice. What if they take it the wrong way, or it doesn't work out? I carefully word advice for children, so not to endanger them possibly, and find it easier on screen. I find their advice helpful in how to care for them, in a convicting way, meaning I always take feedback from children about how I am around them, as is my Christian conviction.

Fathers in biblical times spoke to their children using Socratic reasoning, meaning meeting a question with a question. When asking a question to a father such as "what does this passage mean" the father said "What do you think?", then leading to discussion on an equal plane, or else speaking to children in question and answer format. Children didn't have advice thrown at them like paper airplanes. Proverbs was a book available then for young men, and was advice, but the young man could open up and close the book, which was standalone, as he wished. Antisocial "advice" is when a child cannot escape the advice, and is told "you just have to feel the brunt". No child has to feel that way from me. I serve them and submit to them, and then you serve others properly, you ask for their input and feedback.

Some conservative parents are big on the advice part of parenting, and those will not easily become gentle parents. Others take up the attitude of "God helps those who help themselves", and these parents are more likely to become gentle parents, as true gentle parenting isn't about "KP" or "help" but being a good example for children so that they emulate your self-control, and the kindness and empathy that you show for them. Children treat others as they are treated, and treat their parents in the same light. 

The depraved and entitled parents who abuse children with "advice" will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and brimstone, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

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