Many parents shame children for being disrespectful. Among gentle parents, there is one side that would gently but firmly assert to children, without risk of punishment, to "speak nicely and use your manners, I never deserved this sort of treatment, did I?" in a soft voice. Others, like me, let them pile on the defiance, meaning pro-social rebellion. A child is incapable of being disrespectful to me without me being somehow to blame, or else another adult influencing them.
It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:
Children, obey your parents in all things, as is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to surrendering to parents not by fear of punishment, but by running to parents for shelter and comfort, with parents being safe people, with children feeling safe and secure in sharing with them everything and anything, owing nothing in return in relation to parents, yet nonetheless showing gratitude by heeding to the voice of parents, out of reassurance and not fear of punishment, in a familiar way. This stems from Christian love, meaning surrendering oneself to God through one's child, giving up every bit of adult power and control to your child's footstool, sacrificing for your children, taking up the cross for your own child, rendering oneself beneath your child, devaluing yourself as her servant and caregiver, leading to good works for the sake of doing good works for children, expecting absolutely nothing in return.
The underlined text indicates that a child cannot objectively be called disrespectful by a parent or adult, because children are exempt from all Law, meaning objective moral culpability, and are under the grace of parents. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and indicates that a child can find YOU as an adult or a parent to be disrespectful whenever they perceive an offense, to the degree that they perceive it, meaning you don't police disrespect, THEY do, and when they defy and rebel against you, there is always good reason for that, either medically, but usually simply a disconnect between parent and child, meaning the parent must find out what the problem is, and how to reconnect with a child due to the disconnect, and thus lapse in attachment. This usually means an apology of some sort, meaning a genuine, heartfelt apology towards your child, perhaps in tears depending on the severity of the infraction in their eyes. Children are an authority to lean on, as children self-protect, and are the masters of their body and autonomy, and are the boss of everything regarding their needs, including benign wants as attachment needs - children see the goodies at the store as coming from you, even when you don't see such gratitude in them. Do they want things from you enough to ask impatiently? That's gratitude, otherwise they'd be afraid to even ask.'
Children never intend to disrespect adults except when they are disrespected. Defiance, in that regard, is an attempt, usually flawed, to "abuse parents back" by way of intentionally getting under the skin of parents to demonstrate that parents are getting under their skin in the same way. Many pedophilic children, usually with autism but while having a trajectory to become a pedophile, never internalize that they "deserved" spanking or punishment, and sought to retaliate against their parents and punish them back. I was one of those kids, and I never bought into that crap that I should just shut up and take it because I am a child. I fought tooth and nail, using passive resistance tactics mostly, to prove I had rights as a child, which the Bible allows for as natural rights. I was cooperative with adults that were cooperative with me...When a child is being disrespectful to you, do some soul searching to find out why your child might be reacting to you that way. It is most certainly a flaw of your parenting.
Children weren't called "disrespectful" in the Early Church, meaning children were seen as the highest in the Kingdom of Heaven. Parents were seen as disrespectful towards children automatically in ancient Hebrew culture, including in the Early Church, when their child showed open defiance and rebellion. Usually, children were energetic and rebellious in a pro-social manner towards parents at home, or elsewhere when close to parents, in a way that begs for needs, including attachment needs such as loving attention or time with a parent, as well as using parents as confidants for any emotion, feeling, or random thought, like a ragdoll or punching bag. That's how selfless parents were then.
The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them BURN! Let them ROT in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
That is so true.
ReplyDeleteJesus was a child when he went to the Temple without Mary and Joseph knowing.
So children are under the Grace of their parents and the parents are under the grace of God.