What it means to respect parents

 Many parents think that children should respect parents, and usually demand it through punishment and control. Most adults in the United States are abusers of children, and most children are abuse victims. Christian law does allow for respect of parents, but commands it for the parent, not the child.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Thou shalt honor thy father and mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God hath giveth thee.\

The last part of that commandment involves the fact that on the ground then, legally speaking, it was next to impossible, if not impossible, for a parent to have their child executed, with strong both social and legal barriers. A parent who did want to put their son on trial for rebellion had to name several eyewitnesses, meaning the offending child would have to be caught in the act, and the testimony would have to be believable, and they would have had to have warned the son many times to treat his parents with respect. "With respect" included honor, meaning family honor. The parent was the one isolated from the rest of the family when making an allegation of abuse against parents, with the whole family taking the side of the child, casting shame onto the parents for modeling violent methods, meaning the parents were viewed as violent people themselves, including behind closed doors.

Before Moses and the Ten Commandments, the Canaanites would engage in human sacrifice, basically meaning a parent could kill their child for any reason, including convenience, seeing children as property. The Bible was the first book to humanize children, and see them merely as vulnerable citizens in society in need of care.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; May it be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to anger, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Again, the Apostle Paul is saying things are much better than they were before Moses. However, obedience to parents does not involve fear of punishment, but trust in parents, meaning this commandment was written more to parents than children. The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure rest in the care, support, and protection of parents, owing nothing in return to children. This is prompted by the love and grace of parents, meaning the parent sacrificing themselves for their children as Christ sacrificed for His children, rendering oneself beneath the child. This is what a parent needs to do to earn trust and cooperation from their child.

It is a safe, secure feeling where you feel the ability to speak to parents freely and naturally, like talking to a friend. I can tell my mother anything, and she'll listen and validate reflectively, like a sounding board. It is a caregiver/ward relationship, replicating many times how a therapist would relate to their client, but in a more personable way. Based on that trust, you listen automatically most of the times, in terms of mundane tasks. Obedience is hearing your parent's voice, trusting them to mean well and possibly know things you don't, then heed instruction. That only happens successfully when parents don't punish or control their children, or be strict with them, but instead model strictness with themselves in their own behavior, and lovingly encourage a child to be strict with themselves, as denoted by the Greek root word translated "nurture", which is παιδεία (Latin: paideia). The Greek root word translated "admonition" refers to the admonition of the Lord, which is merely voicing a rare warning to a child that their behavior is unacceptable, without punishment backing it up, instead letting the trust of the parent-child bond work the situation out.

Parenting in ancient Jewish culture was attachment-based in methods, with children ranging close to their mother until a late age, or else being held on her back, with the latter setup maybe when going to market, perhaps when going to the city for groceries. The Law upholds the attachment parenting traditions, meaning punishment of a child was illegal, with punishment of any kind only being allowed in a judicial setting. The Greek root word translated παροργιζο (Latin: parorgizo) balances how a parent can admonish their child, and prohibits legal damages of any kind under the Law, namely the slightest of personal slights, imposed out of an entitled parental attitude. Fathers then were not allowed to touch their child without the mother's consent, or else the child's consent themselves, with the slightest of unwanted touch to be a personal slight, thus a damage, thus abuse in the modern context, with the children's rights application allowing a child to bear witness against their own abuse, meaning whatever they perceive as abusive.

The depraved and entitled patents who punish then alienate their children will not inherit the Kingdom of God! They will perish in the lake of fire and brimstone, suffering the second death...and God hath turned his back on them from the very beginning, foreknowing their parenting