Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to being honored by their children. The commandment to honor parents is widely interpreted as not speaking against parents. However, the fact of the matter is that honoring parents simply means caring for them as they age.

The Fifth Commandment states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment does not prohibit speaking against parents. Instead, this commandment simply means caring for your aging parents, just like they cared for you for so many years. However, parents who punished or abused their children could be shunned by the children that they abused. 

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their child, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works is defined here as doing good things for children, meeting children's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46; 1Cor. 13:4-8.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were initially charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Children today are punished merely for speaking against parents. The most common way that parents punish children today is through time-out, and then the occasional disciplinary spanking done "out of love". Most parents punish their children when they insist on respect without earning respect from children.

The commandment to honor parents does not mean that children have to avoid speaking against parents. All the commandment to honor parents means is to care for your parents as they age, and only as a reward for taking care of you for so many years. If parents were abusive, the only way an adult child had to forgive their parents is if the parents gave a genuine apology, with the genuineness of the apology being determined by the abuse victim.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!