Why I admit to being an abuser (and why abusers with autism should be aware)

 Many people here do not like that I am identifying as an abuser of children. I am, in fact, one of those that we all are, as adults, to some degree. I believe that a victim and an abuser can exist side by side in the same person, meaning a tested victim that abuses others, or a narcissist that admits to a trauma.

There are different levels of abuser, and we all as adults, towards children, fall into one of them. Some of us are regret adults, which is a form of former abusers. I myself count myself on the lower strata of the pyramid of abusers, admittedly, meaning the top level - the lawful level - in terms of abuse visibility. 

Some abusers are very discreet, and it's like they don't even exist. Other abusers are on the surface, and some of them are pedophiles. When I refer to pedophilia, I refer to adult sexual entitlement with a mental health lens, meaning pedophilia can exist before it gets to the entitlement stage, meaning it is a far removed sexual fetish for sexualizing childhood, not just children in most cases. A true pedophile fetishizes childhood in an empowering way, but in a way that, in the case that a pedophile plots against an actual child, it is as if they have already abused the child.

I myself do not find the awareness of my pedophilia troubling. It is simply reality, and I can't escape it, and trying to escape it is like repressing any thought - it might come up at the wrong time. Many sexual abusers with autism have limited self-awareness.

There are two types of autistic sexual abuser:

1. Shady/secretive
2. Bright/anti-abuse

I fit into the latter, meaning my pedophilic tendencies are conflated with parental empathic tendencies. We don't spell out "empathy" because such requires receiving, and then is compassionate empathy. Anti-abuse pedophilic abusers lack the social skills to express their parental affection for children, and so they sexually objectify them in their treatment of them. It is called spousification, meaning projecting a girlfriend, wife, or lover, onto a child.

To understand how it feels to be aware of pedophilia, one must understand the biblical definition of reverent fear, meaning the Greek root word ψοβός (Latin: phobos), meaning a very low level fear that jolts you into action, in terms of self-improvement, centering oneself around children, chastening up one's desires, by doing the opposite of what you want to do with them in terms of actions pointed towards the child...It is simply a strong sense of responsibility...It is turning one's parental protective instincts as a pedophile inwards, towards oneself.

All adults are capable of abuse towards children, and all should admit to it and recognize it. I don't feel defeated by my pedophilic nature, but empowered - a chance to protect children in a selfless way that I wasn't as a child.