Avoiding the word "want" with children: Why to set limits and not expectations

Many people think that it is okay to want things from children. Even self-avowed "anti-entitlement" Christians. However, it is not okay for parents or other similarly charged adults to want things from children. Let's start in eliminating the word "want" in our speech to children.

The Tenth Commandment states in Exodus 20:17 KJV: 

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

The Greek root word translated "covet" is לםמוד (Latin: lachmod) and refers not only to wanting things from a child, but wanting things to the point of seeking to impose said want onto a child, leading to theft/abuse. The term "abuse" is synonymous for the Eighth Commandment not to commit theft, or damages upon a child such as pain, shame, emotional distress, defamation of character, or fornication. 

The Greek root word denoting coveting refers to an attitude of entitlement, in this context towards children, and is denoted by the Greek root word πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés), and this word is a word a parent must live against. It is the attitude of "I am a good person/parent, so my children owe me respect". That is the worst lie I ever told myself - that I am a good person, and good around children. Others can freely tell me that, but I'll just have to deny it for the time being. I am wicked, depraved, and evil in relation to children, and am deserving from nothing from them.

I don't want anything from a child. Do I prefer she be a certain way? Maybe. Maybe I prefer brown hair, maybe I'd like her to be around age 9, or maybe 12, or somewhere in the pre-adolescent years, but maybe I don't get what I want, and he's a boy, and I'm just fine. I have to demand NOTHING from a child, as entitlement is a demanding, controlling attitude that wants what it wants, and will impose itself on others in order to get its way.

Entitlement can be understood as the willingness for an adult temper tantrum. How to tell if your request of a child is entitled? Would you lash out at them in abuse, in the case that they wouldn't listen. Would you feel angry and "undermined" by them? If so, these are emotions to avoid, meaning not express, simply doing the right thing and not lashing out, centering that anger until it dissipates. Even when you want to scream, speak calmly in a soft voice. If necessary, and when you can, maybe unleash that anger in a jurisdictional peacekeeper. This can be a trusted spouse, or maybe even a Word document, or something in between those items. The idea is to shut up, and not complain, meaning when you find yourself wanting to complain about your child, refrain from doing so, as this feeds the entitled parent within you.

Also, another way of dealing with the urge to lash out at a child is pro-social catastrophe, or thinking of the worst case scenario of what would happen to your children, in the future, if you punished, controlled, or spousified your child. Basically, think of the worst case scenario as a consequence of your actions, and follow it to the end. You may find your child dead by suicide and/or with trauma in your catastrophic thinking about your child.

What you may find will surprise you, yet maybe not. Your child may regulate themselves the same way. This is called, by Robbyn Peters Bennett, co-director of Stop Spanking, co-regulation. When an parent in a secure attachment relationship with a child controls their own emotions by controlling their own behavior, the child emulates such self-discipline efforts and applies it to themselves. This is the core of all positive parenting values. This is also stated as a biblical tenet in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a reflection of the parent's actions, meaning parents should show a level of personal distrust towards their children, meaning presumption of guilt in ones motives beyond a reasonable doubt, meaning you don't brag about being good to your children, and you don't brag to yourself either - you know the fact that you mean evil, with evil specifically defined in this context as power and control over a child. When children don't pick up on parental energy, they should be informed of the wrongfulness of their actions by way of verbal correction, denoted by the Greek root word νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia). Proper verbal correction is polite in nature, and requires a "please" and "thank you", as these are good Christian manners to have towards any adult. The concept of provocation to anger, again, refers to damages, and cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandment.

This sort of attitude changes your whole personality. I did start "want" avoidance a long way back, avoiding sexually entitled or objectifying responses to children, in sync with the child's assertion. It was pro-social guilt, pro-social endure, pro-social shape, meaning I endured the guilt, and learned from the guilt. I didn't deny the guilt, but took the guilt head on, and decided to feel it head on. A turning point was with a young girl whom I was looking at, Kaylee, and trying to get to talk to me, with me looking at her strongly in a sexually entitled way, as she perceived as a form of child sexual abuse by panicking. I was about to throw myself to the judge, because I "knew" the police were coming. The idea is to turn guilty fear into reverent fear, by the child's admonition. I am afraid of her, but only when I am misbehaving. She still has that power and authority over me. I abdicate any authority over her, or any child, as I am there to serve needs selflessly, to the best of my ability, given the distance required by the norms and mores of our society, which in my opinion still prohibits sex outside of marriage...After becoming more self-centered at that level, I started avoiding all triggers, namely traumatic or anger triggers, meaning instead of jumping to get offended by something on the Internet, I shut up and clicked off the screen. People may have said things to offend me, back when I was a member of ETC, and I avoided them because of a Christian conviction to turn the other cheek, and not get offended. With something outrageous to a moral level, I tend not to get offended until the very end of the list of warnings. I now have a very different personality, that is more quiet in nature, in a self-absorbed yet attentive way. 

This is a gentle parenting conditioning, meaning I am a gentle parenting pedophile, and I do accept responsibility for my adult sexual entitlement. All abuse comes from the same entitled place - parental entitlement. Sexual entitlement towards children is a form of parental entitlement, as it is a desire for use and invasion of a child's body for sexual reasons.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God. The normalization of parents for abusive purposes will not be accepted, even if it is already acceptable! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!...Don't be a parent. Just parent, without violence, control, or spousification.