Comparing the motives of pro-spanking and sexually abusive parents: A pedophile's perspective

 Feel like having a halo over your head for simply spanking out of "stress". You might be surprised who else has that excuse handy to use in the case society were to go down downslope - and legalize sex with children. "Stress" is a common abusers' excuse, across the board. The nature of most all abuse is "venting" (how a domestic abuser or unlawful abuser would often put it). If you feel yourself venting ON a SUBJECT, you are abusing someone. Talk to them, and vent vulnerably, if they are in a position to listen.

There are many reasons for sexually abusing children. Note that this page, and the advocate behind it, are not experts in how abuse turns out in all cases. It's survivors are. I am only the expert in one case - my own, and my experience is continuing the trangenerational cycle of violence, but in an alternate format that is basically going the opposite direction, wanting to flee abuse, while replacing one form of abuse with another...meaning permissiveness.

True permissiveness is NOTHING like gentle parenting. Gentle parents, I might stereotype, resemble to me soccer moms with a lot on their plate, organizing life around the child, taking the child to evens such as sports, theater, and so forth, or else the child has a relaxed schedule, but still boundaries, if the child needs that instead. It is based on needs. Permissiveness is based purely on wants. I have to understand it as a chain interlinking wants and needs in order to know that it is okay to set boundaries with children - meaning children usually want what they need, and behind every irrational want is a need. The antecedent of the crying to "take me for a drive" at next to midnight might just mean you, as a parent, need to spend time with your child in a way that would replicate that activity, AFTER reassuring them in their grief that they will never be able to leave to go for a drive at that time. Feel like having a halo over your head for simply spanking out of "stress". You might be surprised who else has that excuse handy to use in the case society were to go down downslope - and legalize sex with children. "Stress" is a common abusers' excuse, across the board. The nature of most all abuse is "venting" (how a domestic abuser or unlawful abuser would often put it). If you feel yourself venting ON a SUBJECT, you are abusing someone. Talk to them, and vent vulnerably, if they are in a position to listen. 

I struggle with sexual/behavioral neglect, in which case the main abusers' statement is "they are just so darn cute/attractive that I can't say no", and if left not controlled, would lead to attitudes of antisocial "corruption" in me, including perhaps promoting a teenage daughter to her boyfriend. Permissiveness is corruption, and vice versa, meaning it is giving children responsibilities before they are of age to handle them in a mature manner. Whenever a parent speaks of "sexual/behavioral neglect", they are speaking of pedophilia.

I myself find gentle parenting attitudes to be helpful, in fact. It only works if you want to work it, meaning my permissiveness was stated as "I want her to not hate me" and so I basically put her on a pedestal instead, and not set limits. Now, my moral statement in relation to children is "I am entitled to nothing from them, and they are entitled to everything from me". Children, to me, have equal rights to adults, but in the way someone with a serious mental disability would be an equal.

Abuse is abuse is abuse, and with parents, it comes from the same entitlement - parental entitlement. We all hate parental entitlement here at it's hatred's namesake.