Many parents think that it is okay to spank a child. Most parents get their pro-spanking advice from religious sources. These pastors cite 5 verses in Proverbs as their "proof" that spanking is commanded of parents by God. However, these rod verses, in all actuality, do not refer to parenting at all, but instead refer to judicial corporal punishment of adults.
The most commonly cited rod verse is Proverbs 13:24 KJV:
He who spareth his rod hateth his son: but he who loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
The Hebrew word translated "son" is ben and refers here to a mature adult son. The Hebrew word translated "rod" is shebet and refers here to the rod of correction, namely a switch, applied to the bare back, within a courtroom setting, as a sentence for a crime. This passage ultimately refers to the 40 minus 1 lashes. In the Old Testament, striking another Jew was prohibited except in the context of a courtroom. Striking a minor child then was strictly prohibited. The reason for this commandment was that, otherwise, the father would refuse to whip his son. The court deputized fathers to whip their sons when his child ran afoul of the law.
The harsh legal punishments in the Old Testament are repealed by the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ, including judicial whippings. Christ was whipped with 40 minus 1 lashes unjustly before being placed onto the cross. Thus, the Early Christians shunned all corporal punishment done under Roman law, or any corporal punishment for that matter.
The rod verses in Proverbs do not discuss parenting of any kind, let alone corporal punishment in parenting. There is no such thing as a "biblical spanking" in the Bible. However, the Bible does weigh in on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking your child, or even stop punishing your child. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology to children whenever you hurt their feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent from parents, in the form of a half-apology, whenever children cannot accept a limit not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your child in and of itself is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting of children in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.
The 40 minus 1 lashes was a once in a lifetime experience that was recollected as a harrowing experience. The rod verses in Proverbs refer to this legal punishment. The 40 minus 1 lashes was a final warning before an offender was to death for further recidivism. We don't live under the Law of Moses as Christians, as Christ repealed these harsh legal punishments so that we don't have to live under them.
The Bible is an anti-spanking document. All of the biblical writers, including the Apostle Paul, issued parenting manuals to parents. These parenting manuals advocated for attachment parenting, in the most convicting of ways. Even King Solomon wrote one of these attachment parenting manuals. The rod of correction was a punishment reserved for adults who ran afoul of the law.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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