Hebrews 12:5-6: Why this passage is not a pro-spanking passage

Many parents use the Bible as a source for parenting advice. However, most American parents believe that the Bible is pro-spanking. A common verse in the New Testament used as "evidence" for the validity of any "biblical spanking" is Hebrews 12:5-6. This case for spanking is posited on shaky ground. The Bible does not refer to earthly parenting in this passage in Hebrews, but rather discusses enduring hardship.

God's Word on enduring hardship is stated in Hebrews 12:5-6 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

This passage, when interpreted correctly, is comforting to me. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and can have a figurative meaning to it. This form of metaphorical language in Ancient Greek was known as rod language. Whenever a Christian then got home from a long day at work, you instead said "God whipped me hard today". God does not literally descend from the Heavens and whip His children. However, God does punish His children, like only He can, sending trials and tribulations the way of the children He cherishes the most. But, God only punishes children when it does not harm them, whereas earthly parents only punish their children when it does, in fact, harm them. This passage was intended as comfort for the Hebrew Christians in their persecution from Rome.

Heb. 12:5-6 is not a pro-spanking passage. This verse does not refer to earthly parenting at all, since God does not want His Parenting strategies to be used by earthly parents. However, the Bible does touch on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to stop spanking, or even stop punishing children. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent, in the form of a half-apology, when children cannot set a limit not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology for hurting your children's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing your temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions onto children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

In the broader Greco-Roman world, the staple punishment was spanking to the bare bottom with an open hand. This was seen by most Christian parents then as pagan parenting. The Early Christians shunned all punitive parenting of children, including any corporal punishment in parenting. Punitive parenting was seen then as of this world, and was shunned as such.

Christian parents in the Early Church were almost never motivated by anger. Parenting in the Early Church instead was motivated by worry or concern. Anger in a parent, when directed towards a child, was seen as akin to a viper striking out against an unsuspecting child. Maybe the child was given warning, but that's about it. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!