Defiance: Why not to punish a defiant child

Many parents have had to deal with it. A child acting defiant to parents. This is a common and normal behavior in children. What most parents do not understand is that children aren't out to get parents with their defiance. They just cannot accept a limit set by parents. Punishing a child for being defiant constitutes child abuse under God's Law.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in your child. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are also inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever your hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent, in the form of a half-apology, in the case of a limit that a child cannot accept not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology to children for hurting their feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my cool with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. One thing that hurts a child's feelings is when they cannot accept a set limit. One way children express their displeasure for set limits is by acting defiant to parents. This is not intended by the child as an attempt to "undermine parental authority". Children have trouble accepting limits as a normal stage of development. The key is to apologize to your child whenever they cannot accept a limit, and mean it, even if it is just a half-apology to reassure a child of good intent in parents. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

Defiance is not an attempt for a child to "undermine parental authority". Instead, defiance is normal behavior in children. Usually, children who act defiant cannot accept a set limit. Thus, they need help working through their upset, namely with an apology to children. 

Most parents punish defiant children due to anger. Most parents focus on their parent anger towards children as a means to run away from dealing with their trauma from punitive parenting. However, the Early Church banned parent anger directed towards children, and deemed it entitlement, and then deemed it child abuse in the case that the child was offended or damaged by your anger.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!