"Benign" deprivation: Why telling "no" to children "frequent and often" can be seen as child abuse

Many parents buy into the parenting doctrine of "benign" deprivation. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Ultimately, this parenting doctrine amounts to "frequent and often" use of the word "no". However, the fact of the matter is that frequent use of the word "no" alone can been seen as child abuse.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Part of avoiding offense in children is to only use the word "no" as a parent when absolutely necessary, meaning absolutely never. The idea is to find every reason to say "yes" to a child, as opposed to finding every reason to tell a child "no". However, sometimes you need to tell a child "no". In the case that the word "no" is necessary, and a child cannot accept the declination of requests, you need to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings, lest it officially be an offense. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent, in the form of a half-apology, in the case of a child not being able to accept the word "no" when not given out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including when saying "no", you definitely need to give a formal apology to your child for hurting their feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to losing your cool with your child ever again, as any parent anger directed towards children is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular writings, opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Most "benign" deprivation is motivated by parent anger directed towards children. However, parent anger towards children in the Bible was a banned emotion in parenting. Any time a parent got angry with their child, it was seen by Christian culture then as akin to a viper lashing out at its prey - maybe the child got a warning, but not by much. Parents then largely did not get angry with a child, and if they did, they stuck out like a weed. 

Telling children "no" all of the time can be seen as child abuse as perceived by the child. It is okay to say "no" to children rarely, when necessary. However, saying "no" all of the time can lead to child abuse in terms of offenses. Parents then found ways to say "no" nicer with alternative phrases to the word "no", such as "that can't happen", "that won't work", or "that isn't possible". 

A common place of contention between parents is in the store. Most parents say "no" to everything their child gets off the shelf. However, you as a parent should give them that candy bar. You most certainly can afford it, so what is the big deal? In proper parenting, children should see their parents as the bringer of good things, not a menace to be feared. In the Early Church, parents let their children pick licorice off the shelf whenever they so pleased, and allowing for those things helped gel a secure bond with children. If you truly cannot afford it, you put it back if they won't. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!