Hebrews 12:5-6: Why this passage does not endorse spanking children

Many parents think that the Bible is pro-spanking. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents cite several passages in the book of Proverbs, and one passage in the book of Hebrews, as their "proof" that spanking is allowed in the Bible. However, the passage in Hebrews especially is cited on shaky ground. The book of Hebrews does not refer to earthly parenting. but instead refers to enduring hardship.

God's Word on enduring hardship is stated in Hebrews 12:5-6 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaks unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the loveth tthe chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 

This passage, when interpreted correctly, is comforting to me. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and can have a figurative meaning to it. This sort of metaphorical language is known as "rod language". If you had a long day at work, you instead said then "God whipped me hard today". God does not literally reach down from the heavens and whip His children. However, God does punish His children, as only He can, sending trials and tribulations to the believers that He loves the most. However, God only punishes His children when it does not harm them, whereas earthly parents only punishes children when it does harm them. This passage was intended by the Apostle Paul as a means of comforting the Hebrew Christians in their persecution from Rome. 

God never intended for His Parenting strategies to be used by earthly parents. The book of Hebrews does not give any advice on any sort of biblical spanking. However, the Bible does weigh in on the spanking issue, and then some. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. It is one thing to stop spanking children. However, it is not enough to stop spanking or punishing children. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like in relations between adults, hurt feelings are inevitable in children when bringing them up. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent for hurt feelings due to limits not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with a child as a parent, including while setting limits, you should definitely give a formal apology for hurting your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to ever lose your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your child in and of itself is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men. 

The staple punishment for children in Ancient Greece was an open-handed spanking to a child's bare bottom. This was a common punishment directed towards children. Sometimes, a Greek Christian brought this pagan custom into the church with them. Paul would have none of it in the parishes that he oversaw, and used his inspired pen to oppose all punitive parenting of children.

Christian parents in the Early Church, in most cases, never got angry. Anger at a child alone was seen then as entitlement, and then child abuse once the child found the parent anger directed towards them to be offensive or damaging. Most parenting then was motivated by worry or concern, not anger. The most a parent could feel as displeasure towards their child was disappointment. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!