Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior in children

Many parents think that temper tantrums should not be allowed to happen in a family home. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents punish their children when they throw a temper tantrums. However, the fact of the matter is that temper tantrums are not bad behavior, but instead evidence of a bad relationship with your child. 

Tending to temper tantrums is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their child, with children resting in the good works of parents. Good works here is defined as doing good things for your child, such as meeting the child's every need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of children in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Temper tantrums do happen a lot today. However, most children growing up in the Early Church did not kick and scream in full tantrum mode. Instead, they cried a deathly, screeching cry that no loving mother could ever ignore. The mother then picked up the child after cooing at the child, holding the child in mammary closeness, and from there, she diagnosed the child's need before meeting that need. In most cases, all the child needed was warmth and affection with mothers.

Children only throw tantrums as a spill-over of suppressed emotion. Children today are not allowed to even feel their emotions. It all starts when children are punished for crying, which only teaches children how to hide their emotions better. Children growing up in the Early Church instead were allowed their full range of emotions, which was burdensome for the mother during the first 6 years, but paid off with a cooperative, affectionate child later. 

Most cries coming from a child under age 6 are due to separation anxiety. Most children growing up in the Early Church morbidly feared that mom would "go away and never come back". This stage in development mostly happened under age 6. When children don't cry all the time, that's when you should worry - think autism. Most children want their mom from day one, even when she is nowhere to be found. A baby who sleeps through the night from day one is surely autistic.

Whining also happened in biblical times, during the latter years of childhood. Children whine in order to\get your attention, and it sure does get a parent's attention. Children naturally whine when they are petitioning for a vulnerable need. If it happens elsewhere, such as in the case of a want, maybe all the child needs is attachment.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!