"Benign" deprivation: Why children need all of their needs

Many parents buy into it. The argument is that parents don't have to meet all of the needs of their children. The idea behind "benign" deprivation is that children should not be comforted when they cry, except under certain specific times when it is "warranted".

"Benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parent in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents give without receiving, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parents, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The concept of "benign" deprivation gives parents room to ignore some of the needs of children, in order to focus on "real" needs. However, children growing up in the Early Church got all of what they needed, with this including most of what they wanted. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period.

Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these needs is attachment! In the Early Church, whenever a child was tired, it was deemed an attachment need, as mothers co-snuggled and co-slept next to children whenever the child needed a nap. This co-snuggling, in biblical times, was done in skin-on-skin format. 

A common method of "benign" deprivation is to say "no" to almost every petitioned request coming from children. In the Early Church, customary law prohibited parents from saying "no", by default. The only exceptions to this general rule was if the petitioned request was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, the word "no" had to be given with reassurance and an explanation.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!