Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (meaning without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common want on the part of parents However, there is a right way and a wrong way to discipline your child. The act of punishing a child is the wrong way to discipline your children. Children need discipline, but only when caught in the act of being good.

Child discipline is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their child were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may have not gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to gently melding the countenance of children, in a way that strengthens. In the Hebraic context, this could refer to only one thing - lavishly praising and encouraging children when they were caught in the act of good behavior. Whenever children showed good traits, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Children ultimately learned good behavior from the Christian example of parents. However, parents backed up their loving example with their lavish praise and encouragement, not punishment and force. Children's countenances were centered towards the end of father's instruction. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to self-directed religious instruction. Religious instruction started with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers in the context. This religious instruction ultimately was how the countenance of children was centered. 

Mothers nurture from up close, with fathers nurturing from afar. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mom went, so did her child. For the rest of childhood, children were allowed freedom to roam and play. Children also asked their fathers 20 questions on religion. Most games played by children then were reenactments of religious rituals. Parents just let them play, as that play showed that the child was learning.

Parenting in biblical times was not seen as akin to being "God". Instead, parents were seen as righteously enslaved to their children. Parents were expected to be charitable towards their children, meaning giving without receiving. A parent is to submit to children, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Children were the ones likened to God in biblical times. See Matt. 25:31-46.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and burning sulfur, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!