The word "no": Why children need to hear the word "no" seldom (meaning almost never)

Many parents believe that children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents say "no" all of the time, instead of the word "yes" all of the time. However, children should hear your "yes" far more often than the word "no".

The frequent use of the word "yes" is part of the doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on the part of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses. namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral stature prohibiting all forms of punitive parents, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punish their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children growing up in the Early Church got almost everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed, while resting vulnerably in the love and submission of parents. Parents were ordered under customary law to heel to the command of children. Parents had to give their children most everything that they wanted/needed. Under customary law, the only way parents were allowed to say "no" was when the request from the child was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, most of the time, parents struck up a compromise with their child, thus avoiding a flat out "no". When parents did have to use the word "no", the child had to be offered an explanation and reassurance.

A common place for children to hear the word "no" is the store. In the Early Church, young children under age 6 were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers, and all they had to do was point to an item that they wanted, and then the child was given the item that they wanted. Older children past age 6 were given their own spending money, while doing nothing to earn it. This setup with older children helped teach the finite nature of money.

Children need the word "yes" far more often than the word "no". The more you say "yes" when a child wants something, the more you gel a bond with your child. Children will ultimately associate YOU with all the goodies that they got from you. Even if they don't use it often, they know it is a gift, and are grateful.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!