Passing down the faith: How to instruct your child in the Lord (without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have religion. This is a common attitudes amongst American parents. However, most parents go about it the wrong way. Most American parents punish their children, and keep punishing their children, until the child's will was broken. However, there is a way to instruct your child in the Lord without imposing punishing or force.

Passing down the faith is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on the part of parents. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest long on the the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home/ This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages and offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they got wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking. and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translating "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to melding the countenance of children. In this context, melding the countenance can refer to one thing - lavishly praising and encouraging children when they were caught in the act of good behavior. When children were caught in the act of good behavior, they were praised and encouraged to keep being good with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Children ultimately learned good traits through the Christian example of parents. However, parents backed up their example with praise and encouragement, instead of punishment or force. This regimen of praise and encouragement served to center the countenance of children. Children need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers here to self-directed religious instruction. This religious instruction started with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement from fathers such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. This religious instruction ultimately led to the centering of the countenance of children. 

Most children in America receive a specific religious instruction - the will of the child was broken. The idea is to obtain a confession of sin coming from a child. However, this method of religious instruction is totally unnecessary. Children, like adults, have religion as a need. Even in atheist homes, children want a religion to call their own in most cases. Children start out with simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious sect. But, as children get older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. 

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of fathers? How about starting with a secure attachment with mothers. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were held constantly by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing children out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that children would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried out loud, mom picked them up, and from there, she met the need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. A secure attachment to mothers leads to a secondary attachment to father, meaning however children relate to their mothers is how they relate to fathers. From there, fathers disciplined their children by way of praise and encouragement, with a rapport with children stemming from that praise and encouragement. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!