Righteous ordering: Why parents are to heel to the commands of their children

Many parents think that they call the shots in parenting. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most parents think that they issue orders to children, and then children follow. However, righteous ordering instead means that children issue orders and edicts to their children, with parents being called to heel to the commands of children.

Heeling to the commands of children is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on the part of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Righteous ordering means heeling to the commands of a child, while the child was resting vulnerably in the love and submission of parents.. In the Early Church, parents heeled to the commands of their children, with few exceptions. The only valid reason for a parent saying "no" was when the child's commands were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Whenever parents said "no", they were required by way of customary law to provide both an explanation and reassurance to cushion the blow from the word "no". Even then, most parents then struck up a compromise with their children instead of giving their children a flat out "no".

Children growing up in the Early Church got most everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. Whenever young children - past age 6 - cried out loud, they were comforted and given what they wanted/needed. Crying then was seen as a lawfully binding summonses by parents, calling parents to tend to the every want/need of a child.

Righteous ordering can be likened to ordering at a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. When an item is out of stock, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parenting was seen in biblical times as waiting on a child hand and foot, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Parents were viewed as bondservants working for a lump sum - with that lump sum being a child who is as independent as possible.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!