Mutual respect: Why respect in parenting is earned

Many parents feel deserving of respect from children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most parents in America punish and reprimand their children in order to "get" them to respect them. However, parents are instead commanded to respect their children first, in order for children to give back later.

Mutual respect is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on the parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, with parents submitting to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 7:12, 22:35-40, 25-31:46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as bolding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brough their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Respect for parents was a thing in the biblical context, but with respect meaning closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to parents, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her around from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need and met it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whenever mothers were out and about with children, mom wrapped up her child in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children slept next to their mother in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping warmth, until the child reached the onset of puberty, which was when most children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup allowed for easy skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance, as children received skin-on-skin rays of closeness even when simply picked up.

Respect in parenting is not handed out for free by children on a silver platter. Instead, respect is earned in parenting. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing from children. Not even forgiveness. Not even respect. Not even affection. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. The doctrine of mutual respect means that respect is earned in parenting, not handed out for free. There is no free ride in parenting. All praise and respect in parenting is earned.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!