Attention-seeking behavior: Why children need attention in order to thrive

Many parents think that attention-seeking behavior in children is bad behavior. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents punish attention-seeking behavior in children. However, the fact of the matter is that attention is a core need for children. 

Giving children attention is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof in a mutual submission relationship between parent and child. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these is attachment! Children growing up in the Early Church were given plenty of attention, from day one. Attention was seen then as a core need for children to get from parents.

Most mischief that begs for your attention does in fact communicate a need for attention. When children don't get the attention that they need, they act our in a plethora of ways to get the attention that they need. So, why not pamper then with the attention beforehand?

What should a parent do when their child is just begging for your attention in their behaviors? The idea is to laugh with your child, and then clean up the mess later. If a child wants to show you their beautiful masterpiece on the wall, laugh with them, and then clean it up yourself later. 

Children growing up in the Early Church got the attention they needed during the first 6 years of childhood. Children then were given constant attention on the part of parents. Children were in constant closeness to mothers for the first 6 years of childhood, with children being held during the first 2 years of childhood, and then the children ranged next to mothers in the confines of the family home between ages 2-6. When children get the attention they need during the first 6 years of childhood, they don't act out for attention later in childhood. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!