Crying: Why crying is not bad behavior

Many parents think that a child who cries is being "naughty" or "bad". This s a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents punish children merely for crying. However, the fact of the matter is that children growing up in the Early Church were allowed to cry, with crying being responded to by mothers as communicating a need.

Tending to a crying child is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Crying was not seen in the Early Church as bad behavior by parents when children cried. Crying coming from a child was seen as simply communicating a need, not seeking to "undermine" parents. When children cried, mothers cooed before picking them in skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance, and from there, she diagnosed the need and then met it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the child needed, and cried about, mom was there to meet that need.

Children have five basic categories of need; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest of these being attachment! Children growing up in the Early Church advocated for these needs by way of crying. Whenever children cried, mothers responded to the every cry of a child, not just the cries that she "allowed". 

A common reason for children growing up in the Early Church crying was the word "no". For the most part, parents were commanded under customary law to heel to the commands of their children. The only time parents could righteously usurp the command of their child was if the command from the child was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, parents had to give an explanation and provide reassurance. But, most of the time, parents struck up a compromise with their children as opposed to a flat out "no".

The main thing a crying child needs is skin-on-skin sustaining warmth from mothers.  Children growing up in the Early Church were picked up and held close to the bosom of mothers, perhaps in swaddling blankets when mothers were out and about with children under age 6. The female breasts were not designed primarily for sexualization coming from men, but instead were there to nurture children. Children growing up in the Early Church were treated to being held close to mother's bosom, and from there, they could literally hear the heartbeat of the mother. The heartbeat of the mother pacified the child while crying. Mothers co-snuggled next to their children whenever possible when children cries, with both mother and child being naked within the confines of the family home.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!