Righteous ordering: Why parents are to heel to the command of their child

Many parents think that the righteous ordering of a family home in relation to children is from top to bottom, and enforced by punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think that they can give the orders, and that children have to obey their parents. However, the fact of the matter is that righteous ordering means parents heel to the command of their child.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof in this mutual submission relationship falling squarely on the part of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Righteous ordering means that parents heel to the command of children. This means that children should get most all of what they petition from their parents. The only reason that parents could say "no" to children was if the commands of the child were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, parents usually struck up a compromise with their children, instead of parents having to give a flat out "no". 

Children growing up in the Early Church got almost everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. Children's needs fall roughly into five categories; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these is attachment! Part of attachment is giving children most everything that they want. When children wanted something from market, such as sweets and candy, they were given what they wanted, or else were given their own spending money if they were older. Children who got their own spending money did not have to do chores in order to earn that money. When children wanted more spending money, the parents usually heeled to the command of their children, giving them money if they had enough money to give. With young children around age 6, who were wrapped up in swaddling blankets usually, pointed to the item that they wanted, and then mothers obliged, and paid for the item herself.

Righteous ordering is like ordering food at a restaurant. You can have it your way at a restaurant, but the item has to be on the menu. If the item is not available for some reason, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parents are there for the righteous usage of children, meaning parents are to wait on their child hand over foot, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Parents are not to be seen as like God, but are to view themselves as bondservants working for their children in exchange for a lump sum - with that lump sum being the child being as independent as possible. A parent is to heel to the command of their children, meaning they should allow their children to order them around, with parents heeling to the commands of their children. Instead of parents being in place of God, children should be likened to God by their parents, with children being extensions of God on the doorstep of parents, with parents giving children love and charity without receiving any reward or recompense in return.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!