Crying: Why crying is not bad behavior

Many parents think that a child crying is a child deserving of punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents punish their children for crying. However, the fact of the matter is that crying is not bad behavior. Crying is a natural and normal way for children to advocate their needs.

Crying is not bad behavior, but rather is a way that a child advocates for a vulnerable need. This self-advocacy is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your children in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of children. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-36.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Crying was not seen as bad behavior in the Early Christian context. Instead, mothers knew that when children cried, they had vulnerable needs that needed to be met. Whenever children growing up in the Early Church cried, mothers cooed at their children, with children then being treated to skin-on-skin closeness. From there, the mother diagnosed the need, and then met it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. 

Cooing is a primal vocalization on the part of mothers, with that vocalization putting children at ease. When children heard their mother cooing at them, their cries were pacified, with mothers then diagnosing the vulnerable need of a child. In most cases, children needed closeness with mothers, and so children were treated to warmth and sustenance by mothers. If there was any additional need besides closeness, that need was met as well.

One way to deal with a crying child is to offer them your teat as a mother. In the Early Church, children were treated to breastmilk whenever they cried. From there, the child fell asleep by the end of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding in the Early Church was done even in public, with the child falling asleep when swaddled next to the bosom of mothers, with this swaddling arrangement happening whenever mom and children under age 6 were out and about. Even when in private, however, mothers were quick to breastfeed their child to sleep. From there, mothers co-snuggled with their nursed child in most cases. When children didn't want milk from mom, they pushed away the teat of the mother, in which case the child was introduced to solid food.

Most parents punish their children whenever they have tearful outbursts, oftentimes by spanking them. However, most all the behavior that adults call "naughty" is actually developmentally appropriate behavior. Most mothers in the Early Church knew this intuitively, and thus they simply treated a crying child to closeness. From there, children were often breastfed to sleep, with this breastfeeding regimen ending with the child pushing away the teat of the mother. Even then, children need skin-on-skin sustaining warmth when they cry. In most cases, all they need is mammary closeness, but it is good to check for other needs as well.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!