Child discipline: How to properly discipline your child (without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. However, most American parents equate discipline with punishment, and catch their child being bad before punishing them. However, the fact of the matter is that parents are not to punish their children in the course of disciplining them. Instead, parents are to catch their children being good, and praise and encourage them to keep up the good work.

Proper child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, as modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught by fathers showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise by fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead by fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out in the Early Church with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Younger children - past age 6 - start out with simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. However, as they get older, they start to grow towards a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be your choice of religion, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not letting mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnose the need and met that need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, mom wrapped up her child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping warmth happening every night, until the onset of puberty, which is when most children wanted their own place to sleep. Children in biblical times went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact, with skin-on-skin friction between mothers and children every time the child was picked up.

Mothers nurture children up close, whereas fathers nurture children from afar. Mothers are the ones nurturing with skin-on-skin sustaining warmth. Fathers stay distant for much of a child's childhood due to having a sexual attachment with his children, especially his daughters. However, even then, fathers were not allowed their "icing on the cake". Fathers instead masturbated righteously to sexual thoughts of their child. The Greek root word denoting lust in the Bible is έπιθυμέω (Latin: epithumeo) and refers not to ordinary sexual desire, but instead refers here to parent sexual entitlement. It is okay to look the look at your children, or even think the think later. But, if your plan is to have sexual relations with your child, in any way, shape, or form, don't approach the approach. Merely approaching your child with intent to do the deed is a moral crime in and of itself. "The deed" refers to propositioning or flirting with a child, or else to touching them anywhere on their body with sexual intent. The way out of sexually abusing your child is to masturbate to sexual thoughts of your children. It may also help to know that sexual offenses against children are punishable by eternity in Hell. Fathers who masturbate to sexual thoughts of their children are capable of forming a stronger rapport with the children they teach the Bible to. In the Early Church, unlike most ancient cultures, fathers were not allowed to sexually correct a crying child. Crying children were exclusively the mother's domain.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!