Christian attachment parenting: Why the Early Christians were attachment parents

Many parents think that the Early Christian way of raising children is supportive of punitive measures in parenting. Most American parents think that the Early Christians whipped their children, and that was how parenting was done then. However, the fact of the matter is that the Early Christian context is a valid attachment parenting context.

Christian attachment parenting is attachment parenting based off of the Early Christian context. We as a nation are founded on Judeo-Christian family values. The Bible is a founding document of this country, even above the Constitution itself. The Bible and its context are there for Americans to study and glean from. Nowhere in the Bible does it legitimately say to strike or punish a child. The seven passages in the book of Proverbs that mention the rod refer to the 40 minus 1 lashes, and are repealed verses today. The one passage in Hebrews that mentions the rod does so figuratively so, and does not refer to earthly parenting - the passage in Hebrews was intended to comfort the Hebrew Christians in their oppression from the Romans.

Christian attachment parenting is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke..to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught by fathers showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise by fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead by fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught by fathers reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for both children and adults alike. Younger children - in most cases past age 6 - start out with simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. However, as children get older, they start to grow towards a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion you would choose, but at least they have values.

How do you motivate a child to hear out the instruction of their father? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following mom from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever the child cried, mothers responded to the cry by cooing at the child before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed and met the need petitioned by the child. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers and children under age 6 were out and about in public, mom wrapped up the child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping warmth happen every night from day one, until the onset of puberty, which is when most children wanted their own place to sleep. Children in biblical times went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact, with there being skin-on-skin friction every time the mother picked up her child.

Mothers nurture from up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Mothers provided unconditional love and warmth to children, like only a mother could do. Fathers were distant from children, especially during the first 6 years of childhood. This is because fathers had a sexual attachment to their children. But, even in the Early Church, fathers were not allowed any "icing on the cake". Sexual correction was something that happened in other cultures as a custom, not the Early Christian culture. Child sexual abuse was rare in the Early Church, even by today's standards. Instead, fathers were expected to masturbate righteously to sexual thoughts of their children. The Greek root word denoting lust in the New Testament is έπιθυμέω (Latin: epithumeo) and refers not to ordinary sexual desire, but to sexual entitlement. Sexual entitlement is defined as, officially speaking, sexual want, to the point of sexually motivated approach. You can look the look with your daughter, and think the think later. But, there is a big difference between thinking the think and doing the deed with your child. If your intent was to flirt with or proposition your daughter, you shouldn't even be approaching her. The most a Christian father in the Early Church could hope for would be his daughter enjoying being naked in his eyeshot, as she was otherwise well taken care of. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur,, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!