Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents have to deal with it. A child in the midst of a temper tantrum. Most all parents have been there, where their child throws a temper tantrum. Most parents punish their child when they throw a temper tantrum, considering it bad behavior. However, the fact of the matter is that temper tantrums are not bad behavior.

Dealing with temper tantrums is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Temper tantrums are common childhood behavior, and are a normal part of childhood development. Childhood tantrums are a form of communication, with children crying in order to petition mothers in particular for their needs. In the Early Church, mothers responded to the EVERY cry of their child, cooing at children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the every need of a child. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Temper tantrums were seen as normal childhood behavior in biblical times. Some gentle parenting advice says to kneel down to your child's level. However, attachment parenting mothers in the Early Church instead cooed at their children before picking them up.

Cooing was a primal way for mothers to bond with their children when they were in the throes of a temper tantrum. Cooing put children at ease, and made them feel heard. From there, mothers in most cases diagnosed the need by the type of cry exhibited by the child. Children who could speak then told their mothers what they wanted or needed.

Public meltdowns are easy to deal with in children under age 6. When out and about in public, mothers wrapped up their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. From there, the swaddling blankets - and the children with them - were tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. The swaddling blankets were tied from the left breast, then across the dot to the right leg, or vice versa, or both in the case of twins. Children who were swaddled to their mother's bosom cried silent tears that only mom could hear, and from there, the mother - through trial and error - found out what the child needed, and from there, met the need advocated by the child. The swaddling blankets were made of velvet, which grew throughout the Ancient Middle East. 

Sometimes, children throw temper tantrums when the parent says "no" to something. Children need to hear the word "no" seldom, meaning almost never. Children in biblical times got most of what they wanted, and everything that they needed. By default, children ordered their every want or need from parents, and then parents heeled to the command of their children. The only reason they could disobey their child was when something was clearly unworkable and/or immoral. But, if the child wants that expensive bicycle on the rack at Wal-Mart, instead of saying "no", say "we'll wait until payday". They may want it now, but you can reassure them by counting the days with them until payday. Rarely is an outright "no" acceptable, and there always has to be an explanation for the word "no". 

Young children under age 6 often cried for basic needs such as food, water, shelter, transportation, or attachment - with attachment being the greatest of all needs. The most pressing of attachment needs is your attention. Many times, children cry just for attention alone, in which case, it is good to give them loving attention. You may find that they might also be hungry or tired, or have another vulnerable need. Once you let them cry for you, they will do so again and again, and will always do so to communicate a vulnerable need.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!