Christian attachment parenting: Why the Early Christians were attachment parents (meaning not punitive parents)

Many parents oppose attachment parenting in this country. Most American parents get their advice from religious sources. This is a common way for American parents to obtain their parenting advice. However, many of these so-called "Christian" sources of parenting advice are wrong on parenting. Attachment parenting is the only way to go as a parent if you want to follow the Bible.

Christian attachment parenting is attachment parenting based off of the Early Christian context. America, as a nation, was founded on Judeo-Christian family values. We as a society glean from both the Bible and its context. The Bible is a founding document of this country, even above the Constitution itself. Nowhere in the Bible does it legitimately say to punish a child. Most parents in the Early Church were attachment parents.

Proper Christian attachment parenting is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents whop punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here, in this context, to modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children then following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught by fathers showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, and showing self-control - they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise from fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss on the forehead from fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction in the Early Church started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with phrases such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Young children - in most cases starting at age 6 - start to form simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. However, as children get older, they grow towards a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion you would choose, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on her back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, now allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, then from there, mom diagnosed the need in the child. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, they were wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - were tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping closeness happening every night, until the onset of puberty, which is when most children wanted their own place to sleep. Children in biblical times went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup facilitated easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, with even picking up children causing skin-on-skin friction between mother and child.

Mothers nurture up close, and fathers nurture from afar. Mothers nurtured through skin-on-skin contact, especially during the early years of parenting. Fathers nurtured in a teaching way, from a distance. Fathers kept their distance, especially during the early years, because they had a sexual attachment to their children. However, even in biblical times, fathers were not allowed their "icing on the cake". Instead, fathers righteously masturbated to sexual thoughts of his children, especially his daughters. The most he could hope for was for his daughter to enjoy being naked around him, as she was otherwise well taken care of. The sin line in that setup was the father approaching his daughter with sex on the brain, in which case that was defined as sexual entitlement. Any flirting or propositioning was included as a sexual act, as was touching the child on any part of their body for sexually motivated purposes. Most ancient contexts do allow for sexual correction of children, but not the Early Christian context. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!