The word "no": Why children don't "need" to hear the word "no" often

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents say "no" to their children a lot, even when it isn't warranted. Most of the time, there is something else you can do besides say "no" all of the time as a parent. Children need to instead hear your "yes" more often than your "no". 

Frequent use of the word "yes" is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The word "no" was used by parents in the Early Church seldom, meaning almost never. Instead, parents were expected to heel to the commands of children. In most cases, parents in the Early Church were required to heel to the command of their children. The only reason to disobey the commands of your child then was when the command from the child was completely unworkable and/or immoral. Even then, there was usually room for compromise.

The word "no" should be used rarely, meaning almost never. Children need to hear the word "yes" far more often than the word "no". For example, when a child wants that expensive bicycle at Wal-Mart, you can simply say "wait until payday". Even then, the child may throw a temper tantrum because payday is far away for most children. That is when parents should reassure their children.

The word "no" sometimes needs to be used, but only rarely. When mothers in the Early Church had to say "no" to the child, they picked up the crying and tantrumming child, holding the upset child in her arms, and reassured the child with skin-on-skin closeness. Children who were milk-dependent were breastfed to sleep when they couldn't accept the word "no". Older children were cradled by their mothers next to her bosom. Young children under age 6 were wrapped up in swaddling blankets next to the bosom of mothers, and when they wanted something they couldn't have, they cried silently. Most of the time, children were not allowed expensive jewelry because it made an immodest fashion statement. But, parents said "no" reassuringly, not forcefully. 

Children who heard the word "yes" a lot in biblical times had a strong bond with their parents. Most parents in biblical times said "yes" to most everything that their child asked for. Even when they wanted a pet lamb from the market they got the pet lamb, without the lamb being slaughtered later. The word "yes" should be heard often by children, far more often than the word "no", because the word "yes" being used often strengthens the secure attachment between parent and child. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!