Child discipline: How to discipline your child (without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common want amongst American parents. Most American parents want their children to have discipline. However, most parents equate punishment with discipline. However, child discipline is best done without punishment or force.

Proper child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here, in this context, to modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when fathers caught them being good, whereas girls got a kiss to the forehead when fathers caught them being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based on what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Young children - past age 6 - start out by developing religious beliefs that are simplistic and non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, as they grow older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion of your choice, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out their father's instruction? Why not start out with a secure attachment between mother and child. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not letting mom out of their sight, fearing that mom will "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at the child, then picking up the child, and from there, diagnosing the need of the child. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Children under age 6, when out and about, were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers, in swaddling blankets. The swaddling blankets, and the child with them, were tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format every single night, with this co-sleeping setup lasting until the onset of puberty, which is when children wanted their own place to sleep.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Fathers only stepped in occasionally, in order to praise and encourage good behavior in children, and otherwise, kept their distance and nurtured the woman of the house. Fathers were distant from children because they had a sexual attachment to their children. But, even then, fathers in the Early Christian context were not allowed their "icing on the cake". Instead, fathers masturbated righteously to thoughts of their children, especially their daughters. This righteous masturbation allowed for fathers to feel comfortable around their daughters, and give them proper religious instruction. It was a distant bond, but a bond nonetheless. The most fathers could hope for was their daughter enjoying being naked for their father, knowing that she was otherwise well taken care of. The sin line was at the approach, meaning fathers were not allowed to approach their children with intent to go further. A father could look the look, and then think the think later. Fathers could not approach the approach or do the deed. "Do the deed" means, at minimum, flirt with or proposition a child, or else touch a child anywhere on their body with sexual intent. It is one thing to think the think about your daughter, but it is a whole other thing if you do the deed with her. Sexual contact with a child is the ultimate moral crime, not having a sexual fantasy about a child. In the Bible, the Greek root word denoting lust is έπιθυμέω (Latin: epithumeo) and refers not to mere sexual desire but, officially speaking, sexual want, to the point of sexually motivated approach. This approach was easily avoided in biblical times by masturbating righteously to sexual thoughts of children. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!