Strictness in parenting: How to teach strict attitudes to children the proper way (without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have strict attitudes. This is a common wish for parents to have for their children. Most gentle parenting advocates don't support strict attitudes in children. But, most American parents want their children to have some strict attitudes in them. However, there is a way to raise children with strict attitudes - model and encourage strictness in children.

How does a parent teach strict attitudes to their children? Proper child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offense stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with their children following in their parents' footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys who were caught being good by fathers were given manly praise, whereas girls who were caught being good by fathers were given a kiss to the forehead. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement along the lines of "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to hear out the facts of life, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development. Young children - usually starting around age 6 - had simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, eventually, children formed religious beliefs that conform to the norm of a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be your choice of religion, but at least they have values. Parents can filter what religion they want their children to have by only leaving out a Bible.

How do you open up your child to strict attitudes to your children as a parent? Why not start out with forming a secure attachment to children as a mother? During the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held, either in mom's arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her around from room to room, never leaving her out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at children before picking them up, then diagnosing the need of the child. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers and children were out and about in public, children were worn next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin, with this co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children were naked wherever they went in biblical times, and mothers were naked in the confines of the family home, with this birth nudity facilitating skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance.

Mothers nurture up close, and fathers nurture from afar. The nurturing of fathers was intended to encourage strict attitudes in children. Fathers nurtured in a teaching way, and even then, only from afar Fathers in biblical times developed a sexual attachment to their children. However, fathers even then could not have their "icing on the cake". Instead, fathers masturbated to sexual thoughts of their children. This made fathers more comfortable around their daughters in particular, and also warmer towards all of his children. The sexual attachment to daughters in particular was connotational in nature, not driven. In most Christian homes in the Early Church, young girls were naked for their fathers, and enjoyed being there for their father to look at, with fathers knowing that all they can do about it is masturbate later. Sexual correction was seen as a vile act of sexual entitlement even in biblical times. Most ancient cultures allowed for that outlet, whereas the Ancient  Jewish culture did not. Masturbation to sexual thoughts of your children helps fathers nurture their children better, and helps them teach them better, improving the secure attachment between father and child. 

Strictness is something learned from within, not from without, with strict attitudes in children ultimately being learned from a strict example coming from parents. Children grow up almost entirely on their own, with the main influence in children's lives being YOU and YOUR example. When you see children copying good traits from you as their father, praise and encourage them. When you see children copying the good traits of their mother, praise and encourage them as their father. The mother's role is to form a secure attachment through skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance, whereas the father's role is to form a secondary secure attachment through righteously masturbating to sexual thoughts of their daughter in particular.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath  day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!