Righteous ordering: Why children call the shots in Christian homes

Many parents assume that they are the ones that call the shots. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents give orders and edicts, and expect children to follow their every command. However, the proper Christian teaching is righteous ordering, where children call the shots.

Taking orders from your child is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Children, in the Early Church, called the shots, from their restful place in relation to parents. Children issued lawfully binding orders to parents, and parents had to obey the orders of children in nearly all cases. The only exception that allowed for righteous disobedience of children's orders was if the orders from the child were unworkable and/or immoral. Even then, parents were to reassure and validate the cries of their child in the rare case that parents said "no". Mothers, in most all cases, did the reassuring, and cooed at children when they cried, which put children at ease. 

Children, up until age 6, cried for whatever they needed. Mothers were quick to respond to the every cry of a child, seeing the cry as a righteous summonses for vulnerable needs. Children petitioned for needs by crying, and mothers provided the child with the need. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Mothers diagnosed the need by the type of cry coming from the child.

Righteous ordering is like going to a restaurant. You can have it your way at a restaurant, but it has to be on the menu. If an item is not on the menu, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parents are there to be used, like a sponge, or like a milking-cow. A parent is not there to domineer and commandeer their children. A parent is there for the righteous use of their children.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the everlasting Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!