"Benign" deprivation: Why children need all of their needs

Many parents think that their children need to hear the word "no" all the time. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think that children need something called "benign" deprivation, where children are denied some of what they need, so that parents can focus on what children "really" need.

"Benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children need their every need. That means that a mother is to respond to the EVERY need of a child. Not just a few needs that are convenient, but every vulnerable need, even when it isn't convenient. Children in biblical times were doted on by mothers especially, and had their every need met. Children got most all of what they wanted, and every single thing that they needed.

Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these needs is attachment! All needs from a child are to be met, in order to facilitate a secure attachment. Not just some of a child's needs, but all of them. When a child is tired, that counts as an attachment need, as parents should co-sleep next to their children every night, with this co-sleeping lasting until the child reaches the onset of puberty. This setup was how parenting was done in the Early Church.

The word "no" is a word to be used seldom, meaning almost never. Children have the right to demand righteously what they need, and parents are to obey their child's orders. The only valid reason to say "no" is if the child's orders are unworkable and/or immoral. Other than that, parents are to give their children whatever they want. A child does not have a need to hear the word "no", but instead an attachment need to hear the word "yes" as often as possible. 

Children in the Early Church gave orders to their parents, and then mothers obeyed. In most cases, children got what they wanted. When parents had to say "no", the child's upset from the word "no" was cushioned by listening that was reassuring and validating. When children couldn't accept the word "no", mothers picked them up, and held children in their arms, reassuring and validating their upset with sustaining warmth, like only a mother could do.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!