Why children should be encouraged to be strict with themselves (instead of parents being strict with children)

Many parents think that strict attitudes in children come from parents being strict with their children. This is a common attitude towards children by parents. Most parents are strict towards their children, and are so by way of punishment. However, the Bible instead commands that children learn to be strict with themselves. Children can learn to be strict with themselves all on their own, but ideally with praise and encouragement.

Children are strict with themselves in the context of a mutual submission relationship with their parents. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise from their fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss on the forehead by fathers when caught being good. Children also needed a religious education. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Fathers started out religious instruction by leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer based off of what was in the children's Bibles, with children being eager to learn the facts of life, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development. Children start out with simplistic religious beliefs that are non-conforming to any denomination. Then, as children get older, they start conforming to a specific religious denomination. It may not be the one you hoped for, but it is good to praise and encourage them for having values. 

What motivates children to heed the instruction of their fathers? Why not start with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, they were constantly held by mothers, either in her arms, or else on her back in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, with children at that age morbidly fearing that mom was "going away, and never coming back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking up the child, holding the child in mammary closeness. Children went naked wherever they went, and mothers only wore clothing outside the home. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance, with co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep.

Mothers nurtured up close, and fathers nurtured from afar. Mothers were a primary secure attachment to children, whereas fathers were a secondary secure attachment to children. Fathers kept their distance, especially when children were young, and this is because fathers had a sexual attachment to their children. Fathers did not get their "icing on the cake", however. Fathers instead masturbated righteously to sexual thoughts of their children, then centering their sexual attachment towards their children, with fathers nurturing in a teaching type of way. When children showed good traits, fathers were quick to praise and encourage the good behavior more often, so that children continued to show good traits. What child does not appreciate praise and encouragement from fathers?

Strictness, in parenting, was seen in biblical times as something that was modeled and encouraged, not instilled. There is a difference. Children naturally find their own discipline and strictness based off of the example of their parents, and when you see those strict attitudes in your child, you praise and encourage those good traits in children. Children can find their own strictness. They don't need a parent forcing strict attitudes down their throat. Maybe children won't find strictness right away, but they will if they have a parent that models such strictness.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!