Independence: Why healthy independence comes from healthy dependence

Many parents want their children to be as independent as possible, even if they don't think so. For most parents, the main goal is obedience. Discipline. however, is just one part of parenting. The most important part of parenting is raising up a child into a self-reliant, independent young adult. The best way to healthy independence is healthy dependence.

Healthy dependence is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death, by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Healthy independence comes from healthy dependence. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on her back in a papoose bag if mom's hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mothers out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away, and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed before picking up their children, then holding children close to her bosom in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. Children were naked wherever they went, with mothers being naked within the confines of the family home. When out and about, children were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers, in swaddling blankets, with the child being tucked underneath the mother's dress, which resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin format, with co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, which was when children, in most cases, wanted their own place to sleep. Children who were milk-dependent were breastfed by mothers every night, to sleep, with breastfeeding usually ending at age 2, but sometimes not until age 6.

After age 6, children started to assert their freedom, then being allowed by mom to play outside freely, naked. Older children ventured farther and farther from home, exploring the terrain, playing games that were high-risk by today's standards such as "marriage". But, come nightfall, they always came back to the loving arms of mothers to recharge - until they shook off even that closeness, and wanted a place of their own to recharge. Today, this can be applied by letting older children play outside until the street lights turn on, while checking in with mom before being allowed to play outside. Children have cell phones today, and they can be instructed to dial 9-1-1 in the case of an emergency. 

However, children under age 6 do not understand the dangers that are abound outside the home. In the biblical context, there existed scorpions and snakes that could kill a child, since antivenom wasn't invented yet. Today, there are even more hazards for children, such as oncoming cars, busses, and trains. Children under age 6 should remain with mom at home for the first 6 years of their lives, in order to charge them up for when they are ready to take on the world.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!