Righteous respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents demand respect. Most American parents feel entitled to respect from their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that parents need to earn their respect. Everything in life is earned, including respect from children.

Righteous respect is something that is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of children. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents was a thing for children in biblical times, but in the form of closeness with parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were held constantly, either in mom's loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing their mother out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed at their child before picking them up, holding their children close to her bosom in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. When mothers were out and about, they swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets, with the child then tucked underneath the mother's revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty.

Mothers nurture from up close, and fathers nurture from afar. Fathers were a secondary attachment to children. Mothers were the primary attachment figures for children, whereas fathers kept their distance during the formative years of their children's development. Fathers kept their distance because he had a sexual attachment to his children, especially his daughter. Fathers did nurture older children, but in the form of praising and encouraging good traits in children. Fathers were not allowed any "icing on the cake", and instead masturbated to sexual thoughts of their children, when the child wasn't in the room.

Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing. That means nothing. Not even respect. Not even forgiveness. Not even affection. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Parents are certainly not deserving of respect unless they have earned it. Whether parents have earned their respect or not is decided by the child, not the parents, and not other adults in the child's life. Respect from children is earned, not handed out for free on a silver platter.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!