Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents insist on being honored by their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents want to be honored by their children, and they demand respect from their children because they feel entitled to respect.

The Bible states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment does not refer simply to talking back to parents. It only refers to clear elder abuse. This means that children are not to strike their parents (see also Exod. 21:15), gaslight them to send them places (see also Lev. 20:9), or commit a string of crimes in their parents' name (see also Deut. 21:18-21). Apart from these narrow statutes, parents have to earn the honor that they wish to get from their children. This commandment only is binding on adult children. The best way to understand the Fifth Commandment is through the commandment not to strike parents. You can use your parents for any vulnerable need, but there are limits as to how you can use your parents. If your child slaps or hits you, it is not good to let that one go - righteous wailing is when parents cry out loud when their child hits them, in order to gain sympathy from their child, which works. No child wants to take advantage of their parents. Most children strike their parents when they don't feel heard, but striking parents is not the way to feel heard, and children need to know that. "Honor parents" simply don't dishonor them, and that includes violating the parent protection laws.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in the New Testament. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context,, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of children in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents was a thing for children in biblical times. But that respect was based off of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her arms, or else on her back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. When children were aged 2-6, they ranged beside mothers, following her around from room to room, not letting mom out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers responded immediately, picking up the child in skin-on-skin mammary closeness, diagnosing what the need is. When mothers were out and about with children, they were swaddled to the bare bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, holding the child closer to her bosom when they cried, with the crying being silent when children were held close to their mother's bosom constantly. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went completely naked wherever they went, and mothers were only naked in the confines of the family home.

Fathers also formed a secure attachment with their children, but that secure attachment was secondary in nature. Children first form a bond with mothers, and then later form a bond with fathers. Most fathers kept their distance from their children due to having a sexual attachment with their children. Most fathers dealt with that sexual attachment by masturbating to sexual thoughts of their children. Fathers could not have the "icing on the cake" apart from righteous masturbation to spend away the sexual desires for his children. Mothers nurture up close, and fathers nurture from afar, with fathers nurturing in a teaching way.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!