Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (without punishment or force)

Many parents think that children need discipline. This is true, in fact. Children need discipline. However, punishment is not discipline. Discipline, in the biblical tense, is not about catching children being bad, but instead is about catching children being good. Children do show good traits eventually, in which case it is good to catch them being good. This is the chastening of the Lord as should be understood by earthly parents.

Child discipline is summed up by the doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline to children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given a side-embrace and a kiss on the forehead when caught being good by fathers. Children also needed religious education. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Fathers started out by leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for their children to discover and explore. In most cases, children found the Bible, and then fathers lavishly praised their child, saying things like "that book is good for you". From there, instruction came in question and answer format, with children eager for information based on what they read in the Bible, and fathers giving pointers on the context. Religious development is part of child development. A child's religious beliefs start out as simplistic and non-conforming to any denomination. But, as children get older, they develop their own theology, all on their own, with that theology usually conforming to a valid denominational belief system. But, it is good to praise children for their religious development. They may not come to the same conclusion that you do, but at least they have values.

What would lead to a child hearing out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment towards their mothers? For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did their child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were held constantly by mothers, either in her loving arms, or in a papoose bag strapped to her back when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mothers would "go away and never come back". Children were reassured through birth nudity, meaning children went naked wherever they went, and mothers went naked only within the confines of the family home. When children cried, they were given skin-on-skin mammary closeness with mothers, perhaps with mothers breastfeeding their children if milk-hungry. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping, in most cases, lasting until the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep. This birth nudity made it easy to facilitate warmth and sustenance between mother and child.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Fathers kept their distance from their children during the first 6 years of a child's life, with children being isolated and protected next to mothers. Fathers had a secondary secure attachment to their older children, with that secure attachment being a sexual attachment. Most fathers had secondary attractions towards their daughters in particular, but also rarely their sons. Most fathers dealt with their parent attractions by masturbating when the child wasn't around. This centered the sexual attachment, and allowed for the father to be warm and nurturing similarly to mom, albeit from a distance. Fathers in the biblical context were not allowed their "icing on the cake", apart from solo masturbation. The nurturing of fathers was instead a teaching form of nurturing, where fathers praised and encouraged good values and good traits in their children through verbal praise.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!