"Benign" deprivation: Why to meet a child's every need

Many parents believe in the concept of "benign" deprivation. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. "Benign" deprivation is meeting only some of the needs of a child, at the parents' prerogative and convenience. However, children need ALL of their vulnerable needs met.

"Benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your children in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke,..to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, the slightest of punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with kidnapping being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Mothers in biblical times responded to the EVERY need of a child, not just some of them at their convenience. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, they were held constantly, either in mom's loving arms, or in a papoose bag on mom's back when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, fearing that mothers would "go away and never come back". Mothers, when out and about, swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Mothers in biblical times never missed a single need of their children, and doted on the every vulnerable need of their children.

Children often cry out of nowhere because they have a vulnerable need that needs being met. Children have five main categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest of these needs being attachment! Children need ALL of their needs met, not just some of them. Sometimes they are hungry. Sometimes they are tired (which counts as an attachment need). Sometimes they just need YOU. Children always cry because they have a vulnerable need. 

The word "no" is to be used sparingly, preferably never. Most of the time, children should get what they want, including the latest trending toys or electronic devices. The only reason to say "no" to a command coming from a child is when the command is unworkable and/or immoral. Children need cushioning when they hear the word "no", as that word packs a punch for children. Parents are to reassure their child that they are heard, namely by cooing when the child cries.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!