Righteous respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents take up the attitude that they deserve respect. Most American parents feel entitled to respect from their children. The fact of the matter is that parents are not deserving of any respect. Respect in parenting is earned, and does not come for free on a silver platter.

The concept of righteous respect is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times, but came in the form of closeness to parents, as opposed to fear of parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held, either in mother's arms, or in a papoose bag if mom's hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, fearing morbidly that mothers would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, then holding them in mammary closeness. When mothers were out and about, they swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with co-sleeping lasting until the child reached the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked in biblical times, wherever they went, with mothers going in the nude inside the family home. Mothers wore a loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron when out and about in public. From there, children were tucked underneath the dress in swaddling blankets.

Respect, coming from children, does not come for free. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing. Not even respect. Not even forgiveness. Not even affection. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Children owe their parents nothing, and parents owe their children everything. All respect in parenting is to be earned, not bestowed on a silver platter for free.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!