Why children call the shots in the family home

Many parents think that they are the ones to call the shots in parenting. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think that they are the one in charge, and that they are entitled to children listening to them. However, the fact of the matter is that children call the shots in the family home.

Children calling the shots is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

Children called the shots in biblical times. That means that children issued lawfully binding orders to parents. In most all cases, parents had to obey the law of their children, which came from the child's restful place in the secure attachment between parent and child. The only reason parents could righteously disobey the orders of their children if the orders were unworkable and/or immoral. Even when parents had to disobey the child's orders, they were required to reassure and validate the child's upset through righteous listening. Children calling the shots is known as righteous ordering.

Righteous ordering can be understood in terms of going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, but only if it is on the menu. If the item isn't on the menu, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parents are there for the righteous use of their children, meaning parents are there to be used like a sponge, or a milking-cow when children were milk-dependent. 

Part of allowing children to call the shots is giving up the fight with your child, and giving in to their righteous demands. The idea is to be a hired bondservant for your child, righteously caving to their every order. In biblical times, older children - older than age 6 - gave their parents the morning breath treatment, meaning children literally shouted what they wanted into the face of their parents - and then their parents either submitted fully or came to a compromise with their children.

Young children - under age 6 - cried when they wanted something. That cry was interpreted as a summonses for mothers to meet a vulnerable need. Whenever a child cried in biblical times, mothers immediately responded, cooing at children to put them at ease. From there, mothers diagnosed the need of the child, and met it. There are five main categories of needs in a child; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these needs is attachment!

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!