Righteous respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents want to be respected. Most American parent feel entitled to respect. This is a common demand coming from American parents. The fact of the matter, however, is that respect does not come for free on a silver platter. Respect in life is earned, including in parenting.

Righteous respect is respect earned in life, and is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times, but such respect came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child life, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her arms, or else in a papoose bag on her back when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, fearing that mothers would "go away and never come back". When young children under age 6 went out in public with mothers, they were worn on her bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping lasting until children reached the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep.

Fathers were a secondary secure attachment in most children's lives then. The primary secure attachment in a child's world is to mothers, as mentioned in the abovementioned paragraph. Fathers were more distant because they had a sexual attachment to their children. Most men in the Bible practiced righteous masturbation, meaning masturbation in order to purge unrequited lusts such as to their daughters, and also to their sons. Daughters, in most cases, had a sexual attachment to her father on her end of the rope. Fathers did nurture, but in a teaching manner, whereas mothers nurtured up close with unconditional love. It is a myth that fathers sexually corrected their children when they were crying incessantly.

Respect from children is earned in life. Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing in life. Not even respect. Not even forgiveness. Not even apology. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. There is no free ride in life. Even in parenting, respect does not come for free. Respect from children to be earned, not handed out for free.  

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!