Righteous respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents demand it. Most American parents feel deserving of respect, just for existing in the role of parent. Most American parents want to be respected for free. The fact of the matter, however, is that parents - like everyone else in life - has to earn their respect others.

Righteous respect is a private choice between a child and God, with children respecting their parents when parents earn it, in the context of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers ultimately to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times. However, the respect children felt for their parents was one of closeness and fondness, stemming from skin-on-skin maternal warmth. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mothers went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity in order to warm up their children in skin-on-skin closeness. Whenever a child cried, they were picked up and held in mother's sustaining warmth, after mothers cooed at the child as a primal way to reassure children. When out and about, children under age 6 were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin closeness. This skin-on-skin time happened every time, until the child shook off their parents come the onset of puberty, wanting their own place to sleep.

This optimal conditioning of a child leads to children showing you respect. Children thanked their parents for their attachment-based upbringing. Proper respect for adults come from sustaining warmth with mom. Children will then elect, on their own, to listen to their parents. Maternal secure attachment is the primary attachment, with fathers and other family members being a secondary attachment. Children heard out their father's teachings in a question and answer format (see Eph. 6:4). 

A parent is not deserving of anything, from their children or anyone else. Parenting should be a thankless job. Parents are not deserving of praise or accolades just for procreating. Parents are depraved and entitled sinners who are deserving of nothing but non-existence. That means parents are not to demand respect from children. Respect does not come for free. Parents and other adults should earn their respect and praise.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!