"Honor parents": Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents want to be honored. Most American parents feel entitled to being honored by their children. However, the fact of the matter is that apart from adult children committing certain moral crimes against parents, parents have to earn their respect and honor.

The Fifth Commandment states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment refers to very specific protections for parents. In sum, don't beat your parents (see Exod. 21:15), don't gaslight them to send them places (see Lev. 20:9), and don't commit crimes in their name (see Deut. 21:18-21). Apart from that, protection for parents was limited in the Old Testament. Dependent children could not be charged with dishonoring parents. However, parents discouraged aggression in children by crying out loud, and showing vulnerability, in the face of their child's aggression. Parents only had protections from clear elder abuse, and only once the offender was independent from parents, giving parents unwelcome visits, or else committing a string of crimes and blaming parents for them. Simply talking back was not dishonoring parents, and in fact, dependent children called the shots in the family home.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children dutifully and selflessly, as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times. However, that respect came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. During the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever the mother went during the first 6 years, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held, either in the mother's arms, or else in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. From ages 2-6, children ranged beside mothers, following her from room to room in the house, not allowing mom out of their sight. When mothers were out and about in public, they swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin format. This co-sleeping lasted until the child reached the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children insisted on their independence starting at age 6, venturing farther and farther from home. They had to check in with mom before heading outside. It was around this time that children became curious about the religious facts of life (see Eph. 6:4).

Respect for parents is something parents earn, meaning not something handed out for free. Parents are not deserving of anything in relation to children. Not respect. Not forgiveness. Nada. Zilch. Parents are not to demand respect, at all. They are to submit to their children, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Parents are to assume the selfless role in parenting, allowing them to be used like a milking-cow, serving their children like waitstaff at a restaurant. No task in parenting should be beneath a parent.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!