Separation anxiety: Why children sometimes cry seemingly out of nowhere

Many parents think that children cry for no reason in order to "undermine my authority". This is a commonly held belief among parents. Most American parents punish their children for crying out of nowhere. However, the fact of the matter is that most crying out of nowhere is due to suppressed separation anxiety. Christian attachment parenting helps children experience their developmentally normal separation anxiety.

The way to deal with separation anxiety is denoted in the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage for children under age 6. Children under age 6, in biblical times, were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the child went, so did the mother. Mother and child were quartered in birth nudity, meaning that mother and child were in the nude in the family home. Mothers breastfed their children whenever they would latch on to the nipple, with breastfeeding ending when the child pushing away the nipple entirely with their hand - age 3 was the usual end of breastfeeding, but with some children not pushing away the nipple until age 6 or even older. Children were constantly held until age 3, either by cradling the child in the mother's arms, or placing the child in a papoose bag when her hands were full with chores. Children aged 3-6 ranged beside mothers, and whatever room mom was in, the child followed her in. Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed at their children, and then picked them up, holding them close to her bosom in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. 

Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage where children are deathly afraid of mothers "going away and never coming back". In biblical times, children were held close to mothers, with children never leaving her side for the duration of their separation anxiety. If your child order you to "come back, mom" from the next room over in your house, know that you have a healthy attachment to your child. 

Separation anxiety was more obvious in biblical times than it is today in children. That is because most American children are either ignored or punished for crying. From there, most American parents learn that they should keep their fears and upsets to themselves. It is like ignoring a crying infant - the need isn't met by ignoring or punishment. The child just gives up the fight, with the crying being the fight for a vulnerable need. 

When they do cry out of nowhere, it is because in that moment, they want YOU to reassure them, and can't help but cry. They know they will be punished, but can't help but cry, because they want YOU underneath that facade. However, most punitively parented children know to not show separation anxiety, because they fear punishment if they do show it. But, sometimes, it pops through, and shows out of nowhere. Those moments are when your child needs your love the most.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!