Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (meaning without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have discipline growing up. However, most American parents confuse discipline with punishment. Most parents' idea of discipline is punishment or force. However, actual child discipline is not based off of punishment or force. Instead, actual child discipline is about catching your child being good, and then encouraging good traits in children.

Parenting, in the Bible, is summed up in the doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom into the parish at Ephesus. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, to modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children then following in their footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught by their fathers being good - such as sharing, or showing patience or self-control - children were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection when caught being good by fathers. Children were also given religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the religious education of children. Parents introduced their children to the Bible by leaving an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible out for the child to discover and explore. When children were caught exploring the Bible, fathers praised the child by saying "that book is good for you". From there, children were eager to learn about the facts of life, and fathers gave pointers on the context from there. The religious education came in question and answer format, with children asking fathers in particular all about the facts of life.

Children have their own religious development. When children are around age 6, they are ready to learn the facts of life on their own. That is a perfect time to leave out a Bible for the child to discover and explore. Children start out with non-conforming religious beliefs. However, as they get older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination. Maybe not the one you are in, but a specific denominational belief nonetheless. In most cases, a child's religious education is done by the time they are 13. Some churches will baptize them at that age, and some churches won't. Some churches don't require baptism except for infants. 

Children under age 6 stayed with their mothers, and were treated as babies. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the child went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, meaning that mother and child were quartered in the nude in the family home, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. For the first 3 years of childhood, children were constantly held, either in the mother's arms, or in a papoose bag when the mother was busy with chores. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, then holding the upset child in her arms reassuringly. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance, with this lasting until the child reached the onset of puberty.

For the latter half of childhood, children were disciplined by their father, and were transferred to his custody for nurture and instruction. Proper discipline for a child older than age 6 is a form of nurturing of a teaching variety, where the father models good traits in children. Then, when he sees the child copy those good traits, they then praise and encourage those good traits. Those good traits usually are sharing, patience, or self-control. Children learn good traits on a time-schedule, but it is good to praise and encourage good traits as they show.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!