Oppositional-defiant disorder: Why these children need LESS limits (not more)

Many parents think that oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD) traits are a sign that a child isn't being disciplined enough. This is a common myth amongst American parents. Most American parents see a child that is undisciplined, and they think that the child needs discipline. 

The key to treating ODD is to take a step back, and stop controlling so much. We as a society have overthought discipline, and based it off of being strict with a child. The fact of the matter is that children should be praised and encouraged for finding their own happy medium in terms of discipline and self-strictness. All of this is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, meaning that children need a secure attachment between parents and children. Secure attachment is what motivates children to follow the example of parents. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" and refers to υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers to secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργιζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may have not gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their family, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught being good, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise from their fathers, whereas girls were given snuggles and physical affection as praise from their fathers. Religious instruction was part of the upbringing in the Early Church. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to religious instruction. When children were around 6, fathers left out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible, for children to read and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with phrases such as "that book is good for you". From there, children were eager to learn about the facts of life. Fathers, from there, gave pointers on the context.

The best way to deal with a child with ODD is to have the child with ODD find their own discipline and structure, stemming from the example of parents. From there, children with ODD do deserve praise and encouragement when they find the right structure and discipline, meaning the parents' example. Children with ODD love praise, and this love for being praised and admired can be used as a bargaining chip. If you catch your child with ODD being good, such as showing good traits such as patience, self-control, and sharing, praise your child with lavish praise and encouragement. 

This encouragement was possible due to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. Mothers responded to the every cry of their child, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Children under age 6, in public, were swaddled next to the bosom in swaddling blankets. From there, children trusted the example of parents, as well as heard them out in terms of religious education. Children with ODD need a lot of praise when caught following the example of parents. 

A child with ODD needs no control at all, apart from perhaps being picked up when endangering themselves or others. Controlling a child with ODD is the last thing they need. What children with ODD need is for parents to give up the fight, and give in to the child's demands. Most children have a list of demands that ends at some point, with the child making the conscious choice to surrender to parents. A child with ODD has a list of demands that seem to never end, and that is because a child with ODD has endless demands. When you try to control a child with ODD, know that they have a strong counterwill, and thus control back whenever they perceive control from and adult.

Some children are capable of vindictiveness. But, whenever that happens, the power struggle was created by the adult. Vindictiveness is simply the way a child gets their power back. It is a form of communication. However, the fact that a child communicates THAT way is a sign that the child needs accommodation, namely by way of a more relaxed schedule. Most children need a more relaxed schedule anyway, but a child with ODD needs it even more.

Most children need the same thing as a child with ODD. The fact of the matter, however, is that children with ODD, as a positive trait of the condition, are good at self-advocacy. Most children, however, would benefit from the relaxed environment that a child with ODD needs. Indeed, a child with ODD needs a relaxed environment where little demand are put upon them. 

Children who present ODD symptoms usually do so due to a chemical imbalance in the brain that is genetic, and is in need of medication. Most ODD is secondary to autism, ADHD, and/or bipolar disorder. In most cases, all they need for the ODD to go away is to medicate the child's primary disorder. In the case of pure autism, however, the child is stuck with the disorder for the rest of their lives.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!