How to set limits with your child the right way (meaning without punishment or force)

Many parents think that children need limits. This is a common belief amongst American parents. However, most parents think that limits need to be backed up by some sort of punishment. But, the fact of the matter is that there are better ways of setting limits than forcing limits down children's throats.

Setting limits alone can be considered child abuse under Christian law. Child abuse is whatever the child victim perceives as abuse. See Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethzo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It isn't enough to stop spanking or punishing children - you need to avoid the slightest of offense in children. The only way to avoid guilt under this commandment is to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you offend your child. Whenever a child is upset in relation to your action or inaction, including your set limit, you have offended them, and thus you need to apologize. Refusing to apologize to a child alone is entitlement. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, or "power to the parent", namely the power to spank or punish children. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, as a form of civil disobedience.

In order to properly set limits with children, you need to avoid offending them as a parenting paradigm. Whenever your stated limit offends the child, you need to apologize with them by reassuring them of your good intent, and also by explaining to children why the limit needed to be set. If you are unwilling to reassure a crying child, you are entitled just for that, namely if you defend your non-apology in open court. 

Under the customary law of the Early Church, parents could only set limits under certain specific instances, namely when the child is behaving in an unsafe or immoral manner, or else if a child asked for something unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Usually, parents then used  nicer-sounding words as opposed to a flat out "no", such as "that won't work", "that can't happen", or "that isn't possible". The word "no" was saved for when it counted, for example in the case of casual sex in pubescent children.

If you are willing to make a meaningful apology to a child at all, you are non-entitled to the degree that you are willing to apologize. The goal in proper Christian parenting is to avoid offense in your child. However, hurt feelings are bound to happen, in which the parent should give a meaningful apology that is warm to the touch. If you do lose you cool in relation to a child, apologize fully and in a heartfelt manner. Apart from that, parents should be honest about their intent behind the limit in a reassuring way. 

Setting limits is not an act of law on the part of parents. Children could take offense to how their parents treated them, but parents could not get angry with their child for anything. Children have the right to take parental actions personally, but parents don't have those rights in relation to children. Any time a child was upset due to parental action or inaction, it was counted as an offense perpetrated hy the parents, and thus parental entitlement. Setting limits should be done from the bottom of your heart, with children trusting in parents in all matters. Parents cannot give lawfully binding orders to their children, and instead simply are their caregiver. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!