Crying: Why crying in children is not bad behavior (and what to do about it)

Many parents have had to deal with it. A crying child. Most parents punish children for crying, deeming it "bad" behavior. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that crying in children is not bad behavior. It is developmentally appropriate behavior in children given their age and development.

Crying is best dealt with within the context of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers to a secure attachment between parent and child, meaning a secure attachment is commanded by God of parents. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, meaning parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Crying is not bad behavior, but instead is understandable behavior given the child's age and development. Most all childish behaviors that children display are developmentally appropriate behaviors. Children grow up almost entirely on their own, behaviors and all. When they remain immature in their development, that is a sign of autism or other developmental disorder, and thus a reason to cut your children further slack. 

Crying in particular is a form of communication, meaning the child has vulnerable needs that need to be met. Crying is the most common way that a young child communicates a need. Children have five main categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the most common and prevalent need of a child is attachment. It is imperative that mothers form a secure attachment with her child, with children being treated to warmth and sustenance from very young. 

What did the Early Christians do about crying? Christian mothers in the Early Church cooed at their children before picking them up, then holding them in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. Infants and toddlers up until age 3 were either held constantly and/or wrapped up in a papoose bag. Children age 3-6, in most cases, ranged next to mothers, never leaving her side. Children under age 6 were in constant closeness to mothers, with this constant warmth and sustenance being known as birth nudity. Mothers were naked in the family home, as were children. Cooing at children was how mothers reassured and validated the upset of children, making the child feel heard.

When out and about in public, young children - under age 6 - were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers, in swaddling blankets. The swaddled child was tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of a mother that resembled an apron. The swaddling blankets were made of velvet, which grew throughout the Ancient Middle East. The swaddling blankets were tied to the mother's left breast, and then from there, across the dot to the mother's right leg, or vice versa, or both. Children who cried while in mother's arms did it quietly, with mothers reassuring the child simply by holding the child close to her bosom, perhaps breastfeeding milk-dependent children right there and then in public.

When children were older, they had their moments as well. Sometimes, even older children - school age by the modern understanding of children - threw temper tantrums. Usually, they had their moments at home, but rarely, they had their moments in public. Children that age, when they cried, were picked up and cradled next to the bosom of mothers. The modern gentle parenting advice is to kneel down before the child to comfort them. However, the Early Christians did not kneel down to children, but simply picked them up like babies, and held them close. Even children that age, when picked up, were light as a feather when crying.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!